


i'm that boy who won't stop crying / until i'm convinced i'll stop trying

by dreadfulbeauties



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, 寄生獣 | Kiseiju | Parasyte
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, i wasn't expecting to grow this attached to a joke crossover ship but here we are, two year age difference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29940741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadfulbeauties/pseuds/dreadfulbeauties
Summary: ayato kirishima hates shinichi izumi for being weak.
Relationships: Izumi Shinichi/Kirishima Ayato
Kudos: 2





	i'm that boy who won't stop crying / until i'm convinced i'll stop trying

**Author's Note:**

> takes place before the aogiri arc, and references the anime adaptation of parasyte as opposed to the manga.

how is someone so strong but so weak?

ayato hates him — or at least takes an intense disliking to him. this boy is two years older than him and came this close to leaving jason for dead, and yet… and yet he’s so _pathetic_. ayato hates the softness in his brown eyes (too similar to softness he’s seen before), hates the shakiness in his voice. just because he has migi doesn’t mean he’s not human. not _normal._

(what does normal mean anyways?)

they take him in at aogiri because of his strength. because the others except for eto and a few have to worry if his hand will morph into something grotesque in a matter of seconds and leave them ribbons of flesh. ayato can’t even respect his physical strength because this is a boy that cringes at the sight of blood and cries too much. 

so he reminds shinichi izumi of how weak he really is. kicks him when he’s down, taunts him, tells him, “you’d be fucking dead if it weren’t for that thing in your hand. we’re going easy on you, y’know.”

yet shinichi doesn’t fight back. he nods, pushes up his glasses. when he speaks his voice is soft. “i know i’m weak, kirishima-san.”

most people don’t like to admit that they are weak and they have room to fall. that’s what’s so unusual — as well as the fact that shinichi tries to remain weak. he’s still reaching out to ayato, not because he thinks he can fix him but because he’s been reaching out to people his whole damn life. he cares too much. reaching out is all he knows, and ayato knows how awful of an anchor he is.

and yet — _and yet_ —

against his will ayato finds himself enjoying that kindness. it’s a cautious, tentative sort of enjoyment. he doesn’t want to grow weaker, after all. he takes the dry, monotone remarks from migi alongside shinichi’s more open words. he’s two years younger and knows just how rotten the world is, it’s all decaying. but shinichi isn’t. kindness is all he knows because it was a choice for him.

and ayato finds his kindness terrifying, so when shinichi _touches_ his blood-soaked hair after he’s injured he closes his eyes—

_he wants more._

shinichi hears what happened to his mother (it was plastered all over the papers, he saw a broadcast about it on the tv in a coffee shop) and he cries again like before. again ayato makes a point talking about strength and weakness because he knows not much else. a freak accident, the news said, but they know the truth. it was one of those parasites lurking around — of course his mother wouldn’t stand a chance.

that’s the first time he sees shinichi get angry.

“shut your mouth about this strength and weakness business,” he snaps, “i’m getting _sick_ of it, kirishima-san. i’m getting sick of _you_.”

he’s a fuck-up, he knows that. he thinks of himself all those years ago, a frightened child hiding behind his big sister when they realize their father will never come home and that their kindly neighbor was a traitor. shinichi knows his mother is never coming home, he’ll never hear her footsteps enter the house again.

so at night ayato creeps back into shinichi’s room to check on him. he’s collapsed onto his cot, half-dried tears shiny on his face. his glasses rest on his pillow. there is no blanket save for one just across the room, so ayato reaches for it and begins to spread it over him—

“what are you doing here, ayato kirishima?”

he cringes when he hears migi’s voice. _damn parasite._

“checking on shinichi. is he okay?”

“he cried for quite a while until he fell asleep. he’s quite physically exhausted. i’ve been doing research and quite a few of his recent behavioral patterns point to signs of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“i see.”

_why am ihere, to apologize? what’s the point of that?_

“i’ll just leave this here, then.”

he covers him up with the blanket and walks out, wondering if one day he’ll stop being scared or if shinichi will start being cruel.

**Author's Note:**

> it has been literal years since i last watched these series, and i have a much longer fanfic planned once i get my rewatch of parasyte done. unfortunately for all of you, i like the concept of this pairing enough to write short fic of it before my longer-term, canon divergent story.
> 
> by the way, the ship name for these two would be ayashin. i think i like the idea of two kids shaped by their trauma just trying to survive in a world as screwed-up as the one they live in, and learning from each other even if their relationship might get kind of twisted.


End file.
